one of my most recent conversations

went something like this:

me: ding dong helllllloooooo

him: hello

me: hey. how's it going?

him: biz sucks. but it's going.

me: aside from biz, how are you?

him: was sick for a while, but am better now

me: cold? flu?

him: bit of both i think.

....nothing for 5 minutes

me: well. great talking to you.

him: geez. ok.





now...am i being overly self conscious here? or does this guy want nothing to do with me. i'm trying to be friendly, make small talk. and yet, get nothing in return. not even a "how are YOU?"

this whole disinterest thing is driving me nutzo lately.

rant

i seem to have all of these passive guys in my life. all the guys that want me to make the first move. do all the work.

remind myself that chivalry is fucking dead and buried.

if i could even find someone that feigned interest, it would satisfy me more than how shit's going now.

my bed is cold and empty. i haven't been touched in months. no one kissed me for new years. or christmas. and i will spend yet another valentine's day alone. not doin' shit.

most of the time, i can't even masturbate without feeling rejected, and disillusioned.

i'm gonna go take a cold shower...and remember how timing...is everything

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