10 years of not

i brush my teeth while reading poems
about a sick mother
and it reminds me of my own

september 27th
10 years since
she left me

i think about all of the things
she's missed
will miss
and how much i miss
her

know, how much i strive
to be who i thought
she was

fear, i'm all the things
she was not

crude, tattooed

there is an ache inside me
when i go to tahoe
and bathe in the water
where little pieces
or her were left behind

i still don't know if she took herself away
or if she was taken

still, she left me with an anchor of forgiveness
on a ship, that may not sail
as far as hers