ignorant little girls who shouldn't speak

i guess you could say i ruined thanksgiving last night...

got into an arguement about prop 8 with 2 homophobes (who happen to be my uncle and my grandma's boyfriend)...

and then about 9/11 with people who think that the news stations(abc, nbc, fox) are all legitimate in reporting the truth...

when i asked my grandma's boyfriend "what if i was gay...would you not want me to have the same opportunity as you? To be happy? to get married if i wanted?"

he said "homosexuals are gross...it's not natural..."

i asked him if it made any difference whatsoever in his life, if the gay guys up the street want to get married, and he said "yeah, it's disgusting and they just want tax breaks...marriage should be between a man and a woman"

i got so heated...that i almost threw my plate at the wall...

instead, i spoke in a quiet voice, and tried my damndest to show that he was wrong, bigoted, homophobic, and a fucking asshole to boot.

he then said "you're an ignorant little girl"...and told my cousin "you didn't vote, so you can't talk about any of this"...

her dad, my uncle, then said that "most gays, are pedophiles"
wwhaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!

i left with courtney, walked down the stairs, and just as i got to the bottom, i ran back to the top, went into the house, and yelled "OH, BY THE WAY, I STOLE THE MCCAIN SIGN OUT OF THE YARD"...

WE spent the night at my bosses other house(while his tenant is away)...i got high, drunk on champagne...and went to sleep...

- something new i'm working on.



i push my fingers into my ears as deep as they will go...
goddamn! i wish i couldn't hear myself anymore...
pretty enough to get the job, but not too pretty that there will be a distraction...
this old man's eyes are speaking of troubled times ahead. he will not let me leave.
except by the blade.
this scar's been here for 12 days too long, and i still haven't had a cigarette.
if i was a little bit stronger, i'd have one.
but i am weak, cowering before myself like a child before a belt...
i won't let myself go places.
because being late is far more scary than getting lost.
these creeks are carrying with them, my childhood disillusion and the sand which i bagged to wall up this...overwhelming sadness...
and we all need to drain out.

sometime.