Gorilla Hands

Dry cracked gorilla hands.
They look like hers did.

Picking up avocado peels
off of the wet cutting board.

Each nail a different length.

My hands look like her hands.
And I am ashamed.
I am scared.
I miss her.
I hate her.
I hate her hands.

These tiny gorilla hands.
I can barely pick up
these avocado seeds.
Slippery and wet.

Everything slipping through
these fingers.

Daffodils

Those silly daffodils.
They bloom too early.
Spread their yellow smiles
across freeway ramps and
random places in our gardens.

Those silly daffodils.
They're already wilting,
already brown.

They're all dead now.

Stupid silly daffodils.
Too excited
for the Spring.

Daffodils

Those silly daffodils.
They bloom too early.
Spread their yellow smiles
across freeway ramps and
random places in our gardens.

Those silly daffodils.
They're already wilting,
already brown.

They're all dead now.

Stupid silly daffodils.
Too excited
for the Spring.

MONSTER

If you knew me...

You'd know that
I want
to be a mother.

But, there are steps
I must take
to ensure
a happy, healthy
child.

I must be
financially stable
old enough
have met the
right man

A guy I dated once
told me that
we could have a child
when I saved $8000.
When I asked him why not
$7000, or $9000...
He said $7000 didn't seem
like enough...
And $9000 seemed
like too much.

I dream about
what my child's
face will look like
What kind of person
he or she will be
If I will be a good enough
mother.

Spend my daydreams
thinking up clever names
that they won't get made
fun of for.
Think about what books
I would love to teach them
to read.
Think about first steps
first words
first everythings.

If you knew me...

You'd know that
I have been the one
that 3 girlfriends
have called
to help them
get the abortion pill
they needed

To kill their mistakes.
To bleed out a child
that I would gladly
have by accident.