Aug 26, 2005

fond farewell

you were just another beautiful charm on my bracelet, and

you sparkled, and yeah, you shined...

you made my heart unwind, and the records slow...

you struck my fancy, and told me how it was...

but, you know we can't go back for beginnings,

and we can't just redo ends...

but there is more to this life than i'm dreaming of...

and i'll say my goodbyes, and you'll send me off with a bitter taste in my mouth...i wish you'd fill it with the taste of yours...

and i'll take pictures and you'll make poses in front of the places where we drew our history...

and it's selfish, i know, to want you all to myself...to want to be the everything, the only one you need

to make sense of it all, and to talk about why we're here, and if it really makes sense, then we'd laugh it off, and play the parts we were meant to play...

what's the point of living if you can't live this one time with a smile?

what's the point of dying if you don't have anything to show...or prove...or lose...?

by the noose of this air, and the knives on these people's faces...this city wants me dead, so i'm leavin'...

i hope you'll be there to say a fond farewell...

Aug 22, 2005

poem

candlelight baths as we stared at eachother...

ripples don't dare disturb this calm sheath of private moonlight...

shine and irridescence across your smooth sun kissed skin...

your fingers do the walking and the talking and the teaching...

you stare at me with autumn gazes...i am enraptured...

breathing heavily now...time stands still...

the passion floats around us like bubbles...

touching, grazing, feeling, sliding, slipping, grabbing, and biting...

i close my eyes to take it all in...to feel the intensity as intensely as possible...

i awaken to a cold white abyss...the water is cold and dead now...and you won't even wash my back...

Aug 17, 2005

she called me "ms. misery"

these words will mean absolutely nothing to you for ages, but i feel as though i'll explode and regret it if i don't get them out now...

my mind is terrorized every night and my days are spent in fear and anguish...

every day, i realize how weak i've become...

realization is one thing, but being told by those who were supposed to care for you, is brutal...

we're all just waiting for the neverending dreamless sleep...so we should be happy now while we're here...i'm upset with myself for not being able to be happy or content or even satisfied...

turns out, i'm not the only one who's disappointed in me...

couldn't i just make all this goddamned pain go away and put a smile back on my face for reasons that are alien?

where is she when i need her the most? she's not "always with me" like they said she'd be...she's gotta be so sick of hearing me cry...i suppose that's why everyone leaves and gives up...they're sick of the tears...

i'm fed up with tears, and don't really know what else to do these days...

i am that sniveling brat i saw 10 years ago and hated and didn't know why...

i am that bad friend whom i secretly despise...

i am the girlfriend who slowly lets herself go...and then lets you go...

i am that ungrateful daughter...

i wish things were different...

people downstairs gag on magical green heaven that makes them forget...forget everything until it wears off...and the sound of laughter seems to turn into weeping...

if all my towels are dirty, how do i cleanse myself back to purity?

i'm ashamed of the burdens i carry, and even more ashamed i can't let them go...