Sep 25, 2008


i re-learn how to smoke cigarettes like i learned how to hold a pencil.
i watch the clouds and wish i could change that easily.
as if the birds, sitting on those telephone wires, knew what was on my mind.
i'm dreaming of back seats and my breath in the winter and my life being like a western.
this reminds me of being 19.
and 20.
it's easy like that again.
and i will make clouds by breathing fire.

Sep 21, 2008

just die alread

some people.

no matter how short they cut their hair.

will always be the same.

all the pretty horses

where i come from...poetry is an outlaw thing...

so i'm trying my best to be original in a coffee shop in vegas, where no one is really listening, and the baristas can't seem to get my orders's not that i mind coffee grounds at the bottom of the's that i ordered tea...

i tell them to take a picture, that it will last longer...that the way they feel about what i have to say, has little to no bearing on the way my heart will speak...that i still need time to spread my words like butter to your toast...that i haven't drowned enough just yet...

i need more water.

something is happening here...and i'm not sure...that the men i know, are doing much about it...i haven't told them that i want to be "that naked woman in the pictures"...i haven't told them..."long after you're gone, my face will be forever ingrained in the picture books, and goddamn if i wasn't beautiful"...

i haven't told them that my heart belongs to all of them, and to none of them...

i tell them to take a picture, that it will last longer...that we play with each other's hearts like silly putty, and way too much...and they're becoming fused with hair, and are black from newsprint and dirty fingers rolling rolling rolling stretching stretching cheap as silly putty is, simply buy more...

like hearts.

i'm spilling suitcases of broken glass in my dreams, and i'm screaming for someone to help me clean it not leave any behind...

i'm not sure the significance of much these days...

but i know the ocean hates me.

and that the sun most certainly, definitely, completely has it out for me.

i tell them to take a picture, that it will last longer...that beauty is fleeting as is youth...that we are but a fraction of ourselves at our greatest, and always a fraction of our worst...that the measure of a man can't be truly measured except by sizing up the woman he has chosen to love...faceless, adept, disarming...

i broke the legs off of the blue plastic horse you gave me...he looks as though he's going somewhere more important than i was to you...his head hangs low, as if to weep, silently...i've broken many things, and don't think my character should be based on that fact alone.

i press the sharp, broken stumps he's left with, into the meat of my hand, and try to feel more than just indifference.

i tell them to take a picture, that it will last longer...that sometimes...this computer breaks...sometimes, i know no other way...sometimes i'm not sure who's breaking me...and i'm sure, that we all, weep silently...

Sep 9, 2008


make me taste the sweet rejoice of your latest triumph...
even though it's going are loving me so hard and so good that i am no longer a child, with the lock to her bedroom on the outside of her door...
i can't forget what it's like to want you, just like i can't seem to get rid of the scabs holding onto the back of my foot from blisters that i know will form if i pick at those scabs, leaving my heels without a suitable form of defense...
i want your skin to grind my layers away like sandpaper...with the power on high, and the paper extra grainy...i want the sharp stares you throw, to freeze me in my place like a wind through the sandhills during winter...
i want you to see me the way i've never seem myself...
it's just that you've never looked this good to me...and i want this tapestry of lust to cover me more than usual...and i don't need love.
i want to see you shake.
like dreams about snakes making your heart race and your breathing speed...
the taste of salt on the tip of my tongue...making it's way around your body...
i want to swallow you down with a glass of lukewarm sugarwater...
those shivers start at the base of my spine and creep ever so dangerously into my neck...
my eyes bolt shut like prison bars
and then you pierce me with warm flesh and i am left with nothing except aching.
i finally know what religion is.
and i want more.
pressing deeper into my're getting to know me.
this time, i want the lights on.
so you can see what your body is capable of doing to me.
release has never been captured so well.
and it's never felt so good not to breathe.
when what's inside needs to be held onto.
my body is a minefield.and you're doing cartwheels.

teeth marks.

she has truly seen it all.
the earth speaks to her in whispers like trances.
gargling words like the oceans on the moon.
she is determined to make it out of here alive.
but the life she leads is playing out like a bad opera.
she just wants to be heard.
th only things separating us from the animals...are the teeth marks.
and the sad songs.
and we can't understand the sad songs if we have never been in love.
your smile will fit better once you've had your heart broken.
and i'll scatter the remnants of my heart like breadcrumbs.
but i'll have trouble finding my way back.
celestial cherub donning black leather.
snakeskin boots.
riding the bull like a lover.
you are gonna hurt!
finding the one and realizing you are one of many.
it's trial and error.
learn from your own mistakes.
spending the only currency my heart can produce on things that mean absolutely nothing.
everyone can spare love like loose change, but few can spend any on themselves.
i'm tired of loving myself enough for both of us, but just enough to feel left out.
i'm braving it all, and i'm at the front of the crowd.