Aug 29, 2008

except dust.

she is sparkling...like a gemstone that will never be as beautiful as the place from which it was extracted...
the ornament she weilds...will never be truly polished...
you can still break through to her...with the right tools...
she has felt your heat...become molten...and is now easily pliable so you may shape her how you like...
if you must...melt her down again...add impurities...leave her with nothing but pewter running through her veins where love once flowed...
your sandstorm lies are eroding her...
soon...there will be nothing left...
except dust.

fuck privacy.

i wanted you to love everything i ever hated about myself...and then some...
i feared the end of the world would come before i truly loved another as much as i had once loved the ones who'd left...
you...were nothing short of perfect...in my heart...pulling at me...
showing me what a warm embrace should feel like to someone who's been left out in the cold...
whispering love in my ear like it was the only lecture i'd ever have left to hear...
because what was love if not a coat of armor...
for when life isn't living up to what it could have been...
who is a lover if not someone to make you realize that...you...are beauty...
and that the fate of the world...rests only upon both of your shoulders when you are standing...face to face...
that you are not in this alone...that you never will be again...
that this lake of a heart will soon seem a little less land locked because love shall never know of boundaries...
i will no longer be eaten away like oxidation on rusty chevy's...
i will grow like a flower, tended to...
kept warm and touched with care...

and i will help you breathe deep.
because i love, you shall finally know what it means to feel alive.

Aug 25, 2008

precisely

it's come to this...you and i and so many questions that i could use the answers to...
you see, i've waited patiently for an apology, when there was never really anything to be sorry for...
and now that i have it...i'm not sure what to do with it...
i feel like....
i wanna know your bones...each one by name...
i wanna forget how bad i hurt most days...and only remember each negative space surrounding your body, each tooth filling your smile, and every single decible of your laughter...
i'll be sitting here, working on the things i should have said...and pray...that you feel the same of me...
there is a great line that divides us.
whether time, or space, or something yet to be seen...i am not sure.
feeling empty has gotten a lot easier to swallow down...
but my face still tells no lies except to those who choose to be lied to...
freedom is choosing whose slave you want to be...
you've had me twice, and i wonder when you'll stop throwing me back, take the hook out of my mouth, and either cook me, or hang me on your wall...
because the current here is too strong...
or that i were the only clamshell you stopped to open, and you kept my pearl with you, always.
and because i know...what forever feels like when time is never on your side...
to finally identify...what it is you're running away from...is a love song in itself...
i'll never win a gold medal or an oscar or a grammy or even a barfight...how could i win your heart?
if i was a gamblin' man...i'd bet on my side to lose.
but all your bones are cheering for me.

and i can finally hear them.

Aug 21, 2008

great gifts

great gifts.
the teachers who've taught me...that, in order to really hear people, you've got to be silent...are finally speaking to me again.
making my lust for enlightenment and creativity much more intense.
i am not the little engine that could...i'm the caboose.
trailing the end, but still part of the bigger picture, nonetheless.
perhaps when the train de-rails...i'll be the only one strong enough to stay on track...
i feel like i've finally grown into my skin...and for once...i like the way it fits.
it fits like i could one day be the ruler of my own world.
it fits like my mother told me it one day would.
it fits like love is filling each nook and cranny...keeping me warm.
it fits like i won't hurt anymore, because i am my own cushion.
it fits like two people should fit together.
it fits like promises that are kept.
it fits like dangers that i am brave enough to face.
it fits like never having to pretend you're perfect.
it fits like inspiration.
it fits like the weather outside is finally good enough.
it fits like a man's smile should fit in my soul.
it fits like the missing piece to my puzzle.
it fits like my daddy's cowboy boots.
it fits like the sun down into the horizon.
it fits like truth.
it fits like it should.
it fits like i'm finally realizing what it's going to take to be at peace with myself.

Aug 2, 2008

no longer in progress.

i'm eyeing each scar like a broken dream that i've been forced to live with...
i can feel each blemish as if it were only now being made...
i am losing so much ground with myself...
this collection is a reminder of memories of accidents and of accidents that served a purpose...
may we all be reminded of our excesses and our ineptitudes...
and may our lucky stars shine bright in us, on this, our darkest night...
because my heart doesn't feel so lucky these days...
and the debts i owe are becoming far too great for me to pay...
this laziness has rendered me more restless than i had imagined...
those honey bees are still carrying small bits of my breath to find a new home for me...
their flight is too slow...
the hive is still empty...
and i'm still sleeping half my day away because it's better than spending it alone...
while the world is away, working...
i'm making a fool of what i have left of myself...
and i'm selling the parts of myself that don't matter...
how does one look when they're trying desperately to not look desperate?
if only my words were worth their weight in gold...
how do we fend for ourselves without the proper weapons?
without a coat of armor, or someone to help you take the blows?

i'm filet mignon in a jelly jar full of piranhas...

but it seems, they're already full...