Oct 12, 2005

not lonely.

i want someone to hold my hand...

i want to feel another's warmth...

i want to be lusted and loved all in the same...

i want to be yearned for...

i want to be needed and wanted...

i want kisses and touching and shared laughter...

i want these cold nights to be boycotted by interwoven legs and interlocking flesh...

i want someone's fingers to run like the wind through my hair and down my spine...

i want someone to look at me in a whole new light...

i want someone to share these billions of stars with...

i want a face to kiss goodnight...

i want a face to wake up next to...

i want someone to love everything i hate about myself...

i want someone to lift me up when i can't hold myself...

i want someone to wrap themselves around me and hold on tight...

i want someone to be proud of me, and accept my mistakes...

i want someone to feel like i'm worth having...

i'm not lonely...i swear.

Sep 23, 2005

squirm.

puke puke puke...

split pea soup...

shit on your boot...

sunny side up...

piss in a cup...

show a little love...

for paper cuts...

in all the wrong places...

and blood on our faces...

hair in all spaces...

like in your teeth...

and snakes in your sheets...

turd in your punch bowl...

blood by the mouth full...

shit on by a seagull...

spiders with needles for legs...

itches that stay for days...

dogs licking your face...

after they've licked their ass...

and how your uncle rob...

loves to pass gas...

rats in your cereal...

make you epitherial...

ticks behind your ear...

make you live in fear...

don't be grossed out...

that's not what this rhyme is about...

it's to make you squirmy...

and make you realize firmly...

that you're a chicken shit...

Sep 20, 2005

ugh.

i feel as though i'll never heal from the heartaches of my past.

Sep 9, 2005

compass

my compass was broken...

Sep 4, 2005

titanic.

i wish i was with you at the bottom of the sea...

there would be long flowing staircases, elegant dinner settings, you, and i, and we...

i'd use your myth of strength and unsinkability as my own...

but eventually my defects and flaw shall be surfaced and known...

OH!, titanic, how i wish i was resting the peaceful rest with you below...

people would try to recover me, but how close to the abyss are they really willing to go?...

for you and i, my dear titanic, hold our secrets within unpenetrable walls, and my sweet unsinkable, for us the ocean calls...

dear titanic, do not fear, do not be sad...

there are still so many adventures yet to be had...

icy waters surround us, and memories still haunt the corridors of our hearts...

Sep 3, 2005

treasure

how does one know when they've found the ultimate treasure?...because i don't think that they start off sparkling and shiny...you have to really work to see a treasure for what it's worth...much like people...

Aug 26, 2005

fond farewell

you were just another beautiful charm on my bracelet, and

you sparkled, and yeah, you shined...

you made my heart unwind, and the records slow...

you struck my fancy, and told me how it was...

but, you know we can't go back for beginnings,

and we can't just redo ends...

but there is more to this life than i'm dreaming of...

and i'll say my goodbyes, and you'll send me off with a bitter taste in my mouth...i wish you'd fill it with the taste of yours...

and i'll take pictures and you'll make poses in front of the places where we drew our history...

and it's selfish, i know, to want you all to myself...to want to be the everything, the only one you need

to make sense of it all, and to talk about why we're here, and if it really makes sense, then we'd laugh it off, and play the parts we were meant to play...

what's the point of living if you can't live this one time with a smile?

what's the point of dying if you don't have anything to show...or prove...or lose...?

by the noose of this air, and the knives on these people's faces...this city wants me dead, so i'm leavin'...

i hope you'll be there to say a fond farewell...

Aug 22, 2005

poem

candlelight baths as we stared at eachother...

ripples don't dare disturb this calm sheath of private moonlight...

shine and irridescence across your smooth sun kissed skin...

your fingers do the walking and the talking and the teaching...

you stare at me with autumn gazes...i am enraptured...

breathing heavily now...time stands still...

the passion floats around us like bubbles...

touching, grazing, feeling, sliding, slipping, grabbing, and biting...

i close my eyes to take it all in...to feel the intensity as intensely as possible...

i awaken to a cold white abyss...the water is cold and dead now...and you won't even wash my back...

Aug 17, 2005

she called me "ms. misery"

these words will mean absolutely nothing to you for ages, but i feel as though i'll explode and regret it if i don't get them out now...

my mind is terrorized every night and my days are spent in fear and anguish...

every day, i realize how weak i've become...

realization is one thing, but being told by those who were supposed to care for you, is brutal...

we're all just waiting for the neverending dreamless sleep...so we should be happy now while we're here...i'm upset with myself for not being able to be happy or content or even satisfied...

turns out, i'm not the only one who's disappointed in me...

couldn't i just make all this goddamned pain go away and put a smile back on my face for reasons that are alien?

where is she when i need her the most? she's not "always with me" like they said she'd be...she's gotta be so sick of hearing me cry...i suppose that's why everyone leaves and gives up...they're sick of the tears...

i'm fed up with tears, and don't really know what else to do these days...

i am that sniveling brat i saw 10 years ago and hated and didn't know why...

i am that bad friend whom i secretly despise...

i am the girlfriend who slowly lets herself go...and then lets you go...

i am that ungrateful daughter...

i wish things were different...

people downstairs gag on magical green heaven that makes them forget...forget everything until it wears off...and the sound of laughter seems to turn into weeping...

if all my towels are dirty, how do i cleanse myself back to purity?

i'm ashamed of the burdens i carry, and even more ashamed i can't let them go...

Jul 9, 2005

baby balls and baby guts

down comforters created white billowy clouds that fell on my face and tickled like the sick remains of snowflakes...

i love watching him undress me with his green blazing eyes...wondering if he likes what he thinks he sees...

he held me the whole night...i finally felt warmth again...and even though i knew what he wanted, i was content in knowing, as things were coming to a close, i got exactly what i needed...

we talked for hours about everything and it's infinite nothingness...i'd surrender sleep to feel his erratic breathing on my neck...

to feel someone's pain now resigned is like finally belonging in between...

and as he dressed for the day to come, i never wanted to leave the monstrous bed in which i rested...for why do people leave, when they know where they belong?

for the first time in my life, i was living moment to moment...

he leaned down and kissed my cheek, then my forehead, and asked for nothing in return...

Jul 1, 2005

worst poem ever.

find yourself a woman, man...

cause i'm just a little girl...

my mind isn't fully developed yet...

and you know only a woman could make your toes curl...

inexperienced, immature, and rude...

you say "hello, miss"

i say "what's up, dude?"

i'm trapped in the body of a twelve year old...

one with a really big ass...

i'm too spunky, too sporadic, too crazy...

and sir, i'm not very much on class...

in my case, ignorance is bliss...

and no, i'm still not up to par...

when it comes to a kiss...

i wasn't done playing with dolls...

or making necklaces from macaroni...

you think i'm the "woman" of your dreams...

when in fact...

i'm just a phony...

Jan 1, 2005

2005

in 2005, mostly, i just complained a lot.