Aug 17, 2005

she called me "ms. misery"

these words will mean absolutely nothing to you for ages, but i feel as though i'll explode and regret it if i don't get them out now...

my mind is terrorized every night and my days are spent in fear and anguish...

every day, i realize how weak i've become...

realization is one thing, but being told by those who were supposed to care for you, is brutal...

we're all just waiting for the neverending dreamless sleep...so we should be happy now while we're here...i'm upset with myself for not being able to be happy or content or even satisfied...

turns out, i'm not the only one who's disappointed in me...

couldn't i just make all this goddamned pain go away and put a smile back on my face for reasons that are alien?

where is she when i need her the most? she's not "always with me" like they said she'd be...she's gotta be so sick of hearing me cry...i suppose that's why everyone leaves and gives up...they're sick of the tears...

i'm fed up with tears, and don't really know what else to do these days...

i am that sniveling brat i saw 10 years ago and hated and didn't know why...

i am that bad friend whom i secretly despise...

i am the girlfriend who slowly lets herself go...and then lets you go...

i am that ungrateful daughter...

i wish things were different...

people downstairs gag on magical green heaven that makes them forget...forget everything until it wears off...and the sound of laughter seems to turn into weeping...

if all my towels are dirty, how do i cleanse myself back to purity?

i'm ashamed of the burdens i carry, and even more ashamed i can't let them go...

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