there's a "but"

i could have gone to the river today
but, instead, i wasted time

because life's too short
to look for you

as if i knew what i was searching for

i could have made love to you
but, you were holding me at arms length
hand on my forehead
laughing while i struggled
whispering "you should fuck my friend", instead

as if you knew what i am

i could have painted your portrait
but, my colors are too new
my palatte too clean

you, too ugly to be captured
so thoughtfully