Jan 30, 2011

Today, begins the actual blog.

This "blog" has been mostly a place for me to throw my poetry. Keep it safe. Accessable.

Today, I'd like to start up that old tradition of keeping a "log", or "journal"...again. I'll still be posting poetry, but I feel like that isn't helping me say what I need to, when I need to say it the most.

I want my blog to inspire people. Even though I live the most uninspiring of lives possible. I live in my Granny's basement. I am single. I have not completed college. I am 25. I do not aspire to do many things. And the things I do aspire to do...I generally fail at. Not to say I don't try, when I do, in fact, try. But the process seems to escape me once I know I'm losing.

I wanted to make a list of the things going on in my life at this present moment, and start to keep track of these things. The best poetry, I feel, I ever wrote, was written in journal format, ages ago, on my myspace "blog".

So, here goes:

1. I cleaned my make-up toolbox today, all of it. It's a chore.
2. I have been wearing more make-up lately, because I feel like I need it, and, because I have this consumer driven urge to use up the things I have around.
3. I dropped my hairbrush in the toilet today, again. I rinsed it off, and put it back. I figure I use it so very little it won't matter, even if there are chunks of shit in it.
4. I haven't had sex since November 2nd. And lets just say...it was without a doubt, the most horrible sexual experience of my life.
5. My last date was with a guy...who had a lisp, and grew weed for a living. And I'm not just talking about an easy way to make some money, I'm talking...this guy lived breathed ate slept shit MaryJane. It was pretty pathetic, and I felt really bad about the whole dating scene for a few weeks after.
6. Cosmo magazine tells me that 25 is the perfect age to have a kid. This being noted, I'm feeling kind of hopeless considering my track record of dating SUPERSTAR losers.
7. A goal of mine, is that if I don't have a job(any) before March 1st, I'm flying to Portland/Seattle for some vacation. Then down to Florida. Then maybe to Spain/Portugal/France. However, travelling abroad scares the turds outta me, anyone wanna go with?
8. I am actively looking for a job, sending out resumes, filling out applications. So far the only place that seems interested in me is the local head shop. I'm fine with that.
9. I'm using self-tanning lotion lately, because I feel that I'm so pale I look sick. This discourages me, because summer just ended. I should have a nice caramel glow. Instead, I look like Morticia.
10. I am listening to "On The Road" on audiobook. I got excited about the part when he bought alcohol in North Platte. Too bad he didn't specify where, because it would probably still be there.
11. My cousin Charlotte is getting married in the Summer. This kind of makes me sick, as I am the oldest of 5 grandchildren. All of whom, are over the age of 18. She is the youngest of the 5. But has the best job. Figures. Waitressing owns.
12. I am STD free. Thank fuck.
13. I have also been cigarette free since 5 months ago. I am thrilled with this. And have 0 urge to smoke. Right on!
14. Keep getting messages from dudes from my past, or friends, even...proclaiming their undying love for me. And yet, here I am, single, alone, and still living with Granny, unwed, babyless. Figures. Men are cowards.
15. But I want one.

I guess that's about all that's been going on in my life. Not a whole lot of anything, really. But I AM happy. Content. And above all, satisfied.

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