Apr 15, 2008

topped off.

my skin needs someone to make an intentional expedition through the pits and valleys and mountains of it's spread.
i don't look how i feel anymore.
i'm emptying my cage for the first time...and it's not pretty.
i've come to realize that i never really owned my own heart.
and now that i do, i'm selling it to the highest bidder.
and he's won. he's already won.
i wonder if friends, and their values, will ever come in test sizes.
i'm letting go of habits that only bring me peril and heartache.
i'm spreading the wealth of days gone past, but i'm still not packaging it right.
she says i need to really open up.
i don't know what that means.
as i've open up so much, that if i go any farther, nothing, in time, will matter to any of you. nothing will be of importance.
i will be what i am, only uglier on the outside.
even though i know, it will make me cleaner on the inside, and therefore, beautiful.
i just want to see the stars and smell the ocean again.
i need to remember that i'm alive.
and alive for many many reasons.
i need heaven to occur before i'm dead.
and if need be, i'll find it in people.
i need to throw away the past, because it hurts me too much to hold onto anymore.
i need the smiles to be more real.
i need the empty promises and the dishonesty and the covering up of character to be stopped.
i need people to stop being liars about who they are, down deep.
you're all easier to see through than you think.
as for the things that tie me down.
i need to throw them all away.

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